Does Marriage Matter?

The National Marriage Project out of the University of Virginia recently released a substantial report on the current state of marriage in America.  The report has received a good bit of attention and plenty of different interpretations.  One of the more insightful commentaries I read came from Ross Douthat in the New York Times who views the data as evidence of new cultural divisions.

But as religious conservatives have climbed the educational ladder, American churches seem to be having trouble reaching the people left behind. This is bad news for both Christianity and the country. The reinforcing bonds of strong families and strong religious communities have been crucial to working-class prosperity in America. Yet today, no religious body seems equipped to play the kind of stabilizing role in the lives of the “moderately educated middle” (let alone among high school dropouts) that the early-20th-century Catholic Church played among the ethnic working class.

As a result, the long-running culture war arguments about how to structure family life (Should marriage be reserved for heterosexuals? Is abstinence or “safe sex” the most responsible way to navigate the premarital landscape?) look increasingly irrelevant further down the educational ladder, where sex and child-rearing often take place in the absence of any social structures at all.

Douthat is referencing two of the Marriage Project’s eye-opening finding.  First, moderately educated Americans are becoming less likely to form “stable, high quality marriages,” while “highly (college) educated” Americans are becoming more likely to form such marriages.   Second, religious attendance has dropped most significantly among the moderately educated.  Unlike past decades, it is the highly educated who are now most likely to attend church on a weekly basis.

While it may be common to think of marriage and religion as priorities of middle America, this report shows how these values and practices have shifted further up the socioeconomic ladder. 

What do you make of this?

As a person who stands generally within evangelicalism, there are two primary themes that surfaced as I read through the report.

Within evangelicalism there have been emphases on gaining influence among the highly educated.  Among other examples this can been seen in the priority of higher education and efforts to plant churches that reach “cultural elites.”  An important assumption behind these priorities is the belief that influencing those in positions of privilege and power will lead to influence throughout the entire culture.  Is this assumption correct?  The report from the Marriage Project seems to show that Christianity’s influence is gaining ground among the privileged, yet that same influence is actually shrinking among the rest of the country.  Is it possible that we’ve misplaced our desire to influence with a desire for influence?

My second thought is related to the ongoing societal debates about gay marriage.  My evangelical tribe often energetically defends the traditional view of marriage against those who would extend marriage to same-sex couples.  Without getting into that debate here, this report does raise questions about the wisdom in directing so much energy towards defending against gay marriage while the institution itself continues to lose credibility, especially among middle Americans.  Is fighting a lengthy culture war the best way to breathe life into marriage as an institution?  Might there be more helpful and strategic ways to bolster cultural commitments to marriage?

7 responses to “Does Marriage Matter?”

  1. this is really interesting. i guess the firsrt thought that crossed my mind was that maybe people who have a higher level of education have better employment opportunities, economic stability, and a higher standard of living, and perhaps that is a contributing factor to marital happiness. as someone who plans on pursing further education and being from a family that values that more than anything else, i feel like a lot of people are sort of trained to go to school, get a good job, get married, have kids, etc. of course, i’m not married so i might be off…

    and in terms of the gay marriage issue, i think the LGBT community still advocates for this sort of floundering idea of marriage because there are a lot of governmental and societal rewards for being married. i sort of see it as a civil rights issue: why should all of these people be denied the numerous perks that come with marriage? i would hypothesize that if marriage wasn’t so heavily rewarded, LGBT groups would probably advocate for the right to get married much less

  2. Insightful thoughts Lory; thanks. The study does reference the breakdown of the education-career-marriage-family sequence in Middle America.

    I wonder if you’re right about the appeal of marriage to many LGBT folks. Is it primarily about “societal rewards” or is there something important about simply having a relationship recognized by common cultural traditions? In any case, my interest in this post is in the perceived outside “threat” of gay marriage by many Christians while the actual threat may lie within the heart of heterosexual Middle America as the value placed on traditional marriage slowly erodes.

  3. In regards to the second point, I just want to say thanks.

    I don’t disagree that the biblical view of marriage is between a man and a woman, however, making this such a tent-pole issue is divisive and silly considering the state of marriage even among self-proclaimed “practicing Christians”, much less, society as a whole.

    It’s the whole plank in the eye deal, in my humble opinion.

  4. Maybe those that see marriage as not all that important never were all that committed to it in the beginning. Could it be while the quantity of marriages goes down those that continue to marry will have a higher standard of what marriage is. Of course,ideally both the number of marriages and the quality would both increase.
    This article made me consider the similarities between churches and schools. In many ways churches are a learning environment with a similar structure to a school. There is the sermon portion were you sit quietly and listen like in a lecture, adult classes, Sunday school for kids, and some campuses even look like a college these days. Maybe those who dropped out of school or didn’t have a positive experience in school in turn drop out of church. The current church structure may be extremely comfortable for those coming out of college but at the same time too similar to what a high school drop out was trying to escape.

    1. Two thoughts Dan.

      1- It may be true that marital quality is going up even as the quantity of marriages decreases. I don’t know. However, what seems to concern the folks behind this study is that marriage as an institution (quantity) is on the decline. As the relationship that has been central to much of American culture, the concern seems to be less about quality in this case than about quantity.

      2- I think you make a really good point about who might be comfortable in many of our churches. I’ve been thinking about this lately and wondering about the ways many churches have overlooked much of “moderately educated” America.

  5. It’s an interesting report indeed, although I’d hate for the politics of same-sex marriage to detract from the importance of understanding how marriage patterns impact vulnerable populations, namely children, minorities and those with less social capital.

    When you compare marriage and cohabitation side by side, the statistics aren’t even close when it comes to long-term commitment and the family stability children require. Adults might think that splitting up with your live-in partner is preferable to the stigma of being “divorced,” but I’m not sure children care too much about the legal terminology for their parents’ break-up.

    Contrary to popular belief, marriage (religious or not, big wedding or not) is a peice of paper that actually makes a huge statistical impact, as this study shows. And yet, American culture seems to become more convinced each year that marriage is a luxury only for those who can afford a fairytale wedding and are convinced they have found ultimate divorce-proof compatibility with “the one” of their dreams.

    Ironically, the cultural pressure to marry has decreased even as the pressure to have a dream wedding (if you are going to get married) has increased. Our standards for getting married are very high. Unfortunately, our standards for whom we will cohabitate and have children with are not.

    Marriage is desirable, but optional if the perfect soulmate doesn’t come along. There’s nothing wrong with you if you don’t get married, society says. But if you don’t have children, something is definitely wrong, according to American cultural expectations.

    Thus, we continue to prioritize having children, with or without marriage. Someone should ask the kids what they would prefer.

    1. Good to hear from you again Dan. I always appreciate your insight. I don’t mean for the “politics of same-sex marriage” to be a distraction in this conversation, though I wonder if such politics are a distraction to the many who claim to value marriage as an institution.

      Your points about the cultural emphasis on “fairytale” weddings are spot on. I regularly have these conversations with folks considering marriage. A friend likes to suggest that couples cut in half what they plan to spend on the wedding and invest it instead in their marriage: a vacation, paying down debt, marriage counseling, etc.

      I hadn’t thought of it, but you may be right about the way these extravagant weddings could discourage marriage among folks who don’t feel they have the means to get married.

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